HATE. HATE. HATE. HATE.

Hi friends,

I am writing this today to let you know how my life is going since having to increase lithium from zero back to 600 mg. It has not been easy and life has been even more overwhelming because of this situation.

I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and I just felt off the whole day. Everything and everyone has been bothering me. I am not sure if I am running myself ragged or just dont feel good upstairs. This is why bipolar is so hard and for that case all mental illness. You dont know which way is up. This is not fucking easy and I wish I could be the type of person to be able to walk and talk my way out of my brain.

I had a gut feeling getting into the trial of reduction was going to be bad. I cried about it. I knew what was coming before it happened. It honestly just fucking blooooows. I hate this. I hate how this disease makes me react. I hate that I have to feel like my life always sucks. I hate knowing that no one really fucking understands what its like. I hate it that I always feel bad once I come to. I hate that I make others around me feel bad for doing absolutely nothing wrong to me. I hate everything about this illness. I hate how deeply I think into things. I hate taking pills every night and every morning. I hate feeling like a burden. I hate everything.

I wish that I could get concrete evidence when I die that there is an afterlife because at the end of the day, whats the point of living. I do not get it.

Hope I feel better soon.

xoxo